Why we need a fucking tax

Ed "bike pollution" Orcutt (R, secret)

Here we've got a corporate whore republican legislator yawping how riding bikes pollutes the environment.  He's right actually,

"But if I am not mistaken, a cyclists has an increased heart rate and respiration. That means that the act of riding a bike results in greater emissions of carbon dioxide from the rider.  Since CO2 is deemed to be a greenhouse gas and a pollutant, bicyclists are actually polluting when they ride."

but he doesn't go far enough. Some also claim that it is environmentally friendly to fuck. But if I am not mistaken, a fucker has an increased heart rate and respiration. That means that the act of fucking results in greater emissions of carbon dioxide from the fucker. Since CO2 is deemed to be a greenhouse gas and a pollutant, fuckers are actually polluting when they fuck.

There are valid reasons to tax these fuckers. Think about it for a moment: Currently motorists are paying to drive their cars in the atmosphere while they are actually driving their cars. At the same time, they are paying for fuckers because there is no fucking tax generated by the fucker's act of fucking in the atmosphere. So, if cars pay for the air they are driving through, it only makes sense that fuckers would also be required to pay for the air they are actually fucking in.

Tax the fuckers.